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Long story short:  HRC and several other big name organizations formed a coalition, United for Marriage, for the purpose of getting out the word to the masses about marriage equality and the pending oral arguments on both California Prop 8 and DOMA before the US Supreme Court last week.  Using the enormous capital, respect, and connections that these groups have developed over 30+ years of lobbying and activism in Washington, D.C., they were granted the rare ability to set up a speakers’ dais IN FRONT OF THE GOD DAMN US SUPREME COURT on the days of oral arguments.  And then they set some rules about what the stage would look like, which flags would fly, who could speak, and, apparently, what they could say.

I mean, can you imagine the free-for-all it would have been had every flag under the sun been waving and everyone with the balls to stand up could say whatever they wanted to say?

So, when the trans* community tried to erect a flag immediately behind the speakers’ podium, United for Marriage said, “We’re thrilled you’re here, but the only flags we are going to erect are U.S. flags, to show that marriage is an American issue, not a LGBT* issue.” Can you imagine the consequences if United for Marriage had allowed the trans* flag but no one else’s? Or only some LGBT organizations but not all? Or hadn’t given enough advance notice for every organization under the sun to erect their own flag?  The entirety of the US SupCo building would have been obscured by so many flags that no one would have bothered to actually give a shit about who was and was not represented or what they were trying to say.

And when the Queer United Immigrant Project (QUIP) people were invited by United for Marriage to speak, restrictions were imposed.  QUIP is PISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSED!  They were asked, allegedly by HRC, to limit their comments to marriage equality, because that was the god damn point of the rally in the first fucking place.  Immigration reform is a huge issue, and one that I have my finger on as an LGBT activist. And there are elements of immigration reform that clearly implicate this country’s ongoing refusal to treat gay and lesbian couples as equals.  The comments from QUIP, however, were not limited to immigration policy as it relates to marriage.  They went beyond the scope and purpose of the United for Marriage rally and would have been a distraction from the actual issues that the US Supreme Court–you know, the highest court in the entire country–has agreed to consider.

There is a time and place for everything.  To blame United for Marriage and HRC for wanting people to stay on topic–a topic that again, I will remind you, was selected to be considered by the 9 Justices of the god damn Supreme Court–doesn’t seem all that onerous of an ask to me.  The Justices weren’t considering LGBT immigration issues, except as they might relate to MARRIAGE for godssakes. WAKE UP AND PAY ATTENTION!

HRC has issued an apology.  For what, I’m not sure. I wish they hadn’t.  Why? Because, without being too much of a bitch, I would like to ask the following rhetorical question and then give you the answers to the question:

Dear Trans* Organizations and QUIP and everyone else who bitches about HRC’s rules and conventions for moving the LGBT community closer and closer to full equality and inclusion:

Question:  If you do not like the rules that United for Marriage (including HRC) set for this event, then why don’t you organize your own speakers’ podium and rally in front of the US Supreme Court so that you can wave as many flags and say whatever you want?

Answers:

  • HRC and the coalition partners have 30+ years of relationships and respect and trust and political capital, so when they ask to set up a speakers’ dais in front of the US Supreme Court, they are permitted to do it.  We don’t have the same political capital that comes with 30 YEARS OF RELATIONSHIP BUILDING, so we have to rely on other organizations’ resources. 
  • We do not have the media attention that HRC and its coalition partners have after 30 YEARS OF PUBLIC RELATIONS AND MEDIA COMMUNICATIONS, so media outlets would not have paid us much attention if we had our own podium. [Side Bar:  I mean, if a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it . . . does it make a sound? I don’t know, but if no one is there to hear it, then who the fuck cares if it makes a sound?]
  • Setting up a speakers’ podium, including lighting and sound systems and all of the accoutrements necessary to have a rally with speakers is expensive and costs money and we don’t have enough to do it ourselves. We don’t even know where to go or who to ask to set up a rally and media presser like the one United for Marriage pulled off last week.
  • Having a speakers’ podium implies that you will actually have speakers. HRC and the coalition partners have 30 YEARS OF RELATIONSHIPS with people who can speak eloquently and intelligently on the issue of marriage equality, which, we almost forgot, is the issue before the Supreme Court. We don’t have those types of relationships. It would have simply been us, standing there on the steps of the Supreme Court, probably talking mostly off topic (and, BTW, the topic was marriage equality on March 26/27, nothing else).

Quit whining. Politics is a game, and there are rules to the game. None of us–including the United for Marriage coalition–particularly like the rules because they require us to take baby-steps and to make Sophie’s choices on our march to full equality.  But the rules, whether express or implied (mostly implied) exist, plain and simple. If you don’t want to play by the rules, the niceties, the conventions, the guidelines, then I invite you to strike out on your own and create another model. I would caution you, however, that after nearly 4 decades, not many other models have surfaced that are as successful or respected as the model used by the United for Marriage coalition partners, including HRC.

Most importantly, stop looking the gift horse in the mouth. Do not try to step up onto the stage that United for Marriage partners have set for you (literally and figuratively) and then complain that you have suffered discrimination by them because you don’t like their rules and conventions.

Finally, I want to note a real problem I see with HRC detractors.  Some of you want HRC and the other partners to be all-inclusive, but you want them to be inclusive only on your narrow, often myopic terms. Pragmatism is in short supply, it would appear, but I think it would do some good for certain groups and organizations to quit looking at HRC as the enemy and try to learn from its vast experiences, both wins and losses.  Think of HRC kind of like a mentor.  And you would all do well to assume good, not bad, intent on HRC’s part. Do you honestly believe that the people who work and volunteer tirelessly for HRC don’t have the best interests of all LGBT people in heart and in mind? If you do, then you are projecting your own provincial approach to activism in my humble opinion.

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My head is foggy with exhaustion, and I admit that I am having some difficulty wrapping my head around the last 12 hours since the first election results started rolling in from Washington. I’m frantically flipping through the news channels, obsessively checking the Internets, compulsively scrolling through my text messages and my email, listening to my voice mail with a gaping mouth. But the truth is inescapable:

You. Are. WELCOME!

I have a message for the people, the organizations, the institutions that have historically, continuously, chronically done everything possible to deny my rights:  I know you aren’t done with your evil agenda, and even today, you refuse to learn last night’s lesson.  Neither the fuck am I, and I will continue to school you until you either learn or give up trying. Unlike you, however, I have the wind of change in my sails.

In America, we still have HUGE gaps in LGBT equality that must be closed. In 3/5ths of this country, we can be fired from our jobs. We do not have federal protections for our relationships, our jobs, our health, our safety. Even where laws exist to protect us, they are often not enforced. Cultural and societal stigma is still the norm. Hate-based violence of every magnitude continues to play part of our collective reality. Gay and trans youth continue to take their own lives.

We have a long way to go. But the journey took a new path last night. Our entire narrative changed. I have to re-write my own script–and by that I mean the one I use when I am the real me and not the script I use when mouthing off under my nom de plume, HorseKnuckle. When I do it, I can promise you that it will no longer ask for permission or make apologies or handle homophobes with kid-gloves in order to gain favor. I am done with niceties. I am through with loyal disagreement. I am finished with respectful dialogue with people whose brand of respect includes bigotry, intolerance, condescension, patronization, illogic, superiority, and lies.

I am done, and we have the political capital and popular support to move forward in a new, sweeping way. Congrats to all of us.

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Yesterday, the Governor of California signed into law an act that will ban ex-gay therapy in California. For those of you who do not know, ex-gay therapy is a type of therapy that tries to convince people that they are not gay, that being gay is a choice, that they can make another choice, and that God wants them to choose another path for their lives. It is the equivalent of snake-oil, which is why California banned it. If you search “ex-gay therapy” on the Internets, you will see that as a “therapy,” it has not only been discredited, but many of the people associated with it have either admitted it is bullshit or have been found in various and sundry places like gay bars trying to pick up on men because they are hypocritical douchebags (John Paulk, I’m looking at your douchey bags right now).

Not to be outdone by the California legislature or the Governor, three organizations that want ex-gay snake oil to be widely available in California have now promised to sue. They are: The Pacific Justice Institute (crazy), the Liberty Counsel (crazier), and the Nat’l Assoc. for “Research” and “Therapy” of Homosexuality (NARTH) (MOTHER FUCKING CRAZIEST).  Did I mention they are batshit crazy people that insist ex-gay therapies are based on science and medicine?

Speaking of science, let’s take a look at what actual, real-live scientists, doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists, social workers, and other learned professionals have to say about ex-gay “therapy”:

Nationally, the American Medical Association, American Psychiatric Association, the American Psychological Association, the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, the American Counseling Association, the National Association of Social Workers, the American Academy of Pediatrics, the National Association of School Psychologists, and the American Academy of Physician Assistants have all condemned the use of so-called “ex-gay,” “conversion,” or “reparative” therapy, and there is no scientific study that proves it actually is effective.

Religious Right Vows 1st Amendment Suits Over Law Banning Ex-Gay Therapy for Kids.  Ex-gay therapies have been completely debunked. More importantly, they have been found to be exceptionally harmful for those children who have been forced to participate. For example, the California law was enacted in part to honor the life and memory of Kirk Murphy, who was subjected to “sissy boy” treatments as a child in the 1970s and who, at 38 years of age, killed himself after living a life that his family described as “broken.”

As a side note, do you know who administered the “sissy boy” therapy treatments to Kirk?  George Fucking Rekers. Does that name sound familiar? If so, it is probably because of this:

Hypocrit

Caught with his Hands Nearly on a Cock

[Photo Credit: http://www.blogography.com/archives/2010/05/bullet_sunday_1_93.html]

Yep. Years after breaking poor, innocent children’s spirits and minds, that fucking horrible, ugly man was caught returning from a vacation with a rent-boy, reeking of musky-man-scent and guilt and covered in XY chromosomes. Cunty has, for the most part, denied that he is gay or that he knowingly hired a rent-boy, but he has indicated that he sought “guidance” from his church (of fucking course) so that he could “understand his weaknesses and avoid unwise decision-making in the future.”

Dear Sad Little Man: Liking cock and acting on it is not a weakness or an unwise decision. Trust me on this–I have been known to act on it. Often. On the other hand, spending your entire life denying that you like cock and secretly and covertly acting on it while trying to “cure” others of the same gayness that is part of your very fiber is the kind of shit that gets you religious people a first-class, all-expense paid trip to the FIERY BOWLS OF PURGATORY where Satan will dangle the most beautiful man-parts imaginable in front of you like carrots on the end of a stick and make you watch the hottest porn but will refuse to allow you to touch yourself or others.  In fact, I heard he steals your boner away when you first arrive. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!***

The organizations who are suing are direct extensions of the harm that George Rekers caused (in fact, at the time Rekers hired blond, 20-something cock to carry his baggage, he was a NARTH advisor). These religious nutsacks are so hell-bent on forcing their world view on you and me and everyone else that they are going to march into court and argue that they have a Constitutional right–a First Amendment Constitutional right–to harm children and that the overwhelming weight of scientific evidence and learning about ex-gay therapy should be ignored because gay people are an abomination and god hates us and we should have the god damn gay beat right out of us.

Can you believe the fucking arrogance of these people? They are going to look the horse of scientific evidence in the mouth and give the middle finger to learned professionals and academics by suing on 1st Amendment grounds so that they can continue to heap injury and confusion on innocents. All in the name of their own personal hang-ups and religious beliefs. I hope the court names the case In re: Religious Fundamentalism v. Every-fucking-body Else, Science, Medicine, Common Sense, et al.

So, I ask you, fairest reader:  When and how are we going to put an end to it?

***Point of Clarification: I don’t believe in hell, but George Rekers and his ilk do, and they are terrified of it. Plus, they have used the threat of an eternity spent in hell to try to coax innocents into behavior that is counter to their own fundamental beings. Turn-about is fair play, bitches.

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One of Seattle’s local stations, KOMO TV, published an AP article today entitled “What’s missing from pro-gay marriage TV ads? Gays.”  In short (because you people won’t read, as I constantly lament), the article correctly observes that, in the most recent advertising in states where marriage equality is on the ballot this year (Washington, Maryland, Minnesota, and Maine), the advertising features . . .

Wait for it

. . .

NON-GAYS!  Shocking, I know.

Or is it?  I mean, this isn’t the first time we’ve talked about this phenom. In fact, I will quote myself from an earlier post on this very issue, which is narcissistic, I know, but I am FUCKING RIGHT ON THE MONEY, bitches:

[W]hen it comes to making headway in the fight for equality, the most powerful stories are proving to be the stories told by our straight allies, both the stories they weave about themselves and their own thoughts on equality and marriage equality, but also the stories they tell about us.   They are amazingly eloquent. And, they have no dog in the fight. For a straight couple, who can get married without impediment, to stand up and say, “It isn’t fair, it isn’t right, it isn’t American for us to be able to marry when some of our friends, family, and colleagues cannot,” I mean, how do you argue with that?

Even though the last sentence of that quote is a grammar school teacher’s worst freaking nightmare, the point is inarguable:  When people see non-gay people standing up for equality, speaking out for equality, voting for equality, they are compelled to think of equality in a new light.

That is not, however, the only reason that the advertising around marriage equality this year is so straight. Why are gays and lesbians not featured more prominently in pro-equality advertising this year? I’ll tell you why:

  • Our opponents quite simply do not believe us and do not find us credible.
  • Our opponents think we are nothing more than self-interested nit-wits who lack all objectivity about our own status as a minority in this country.
  • Our opponents think we are provocateurs, concerned only with the “sex” in sexual orientation.
  • Our opponents continue to define our orientation and gender expression as a “lifestyle,” like yachting or fitness or thuggery.
  • Despite our accomplishments, our intelligence, our education, our life experience, our opponents paint us as people who do not know or understand ourselves or our legal or social predicament and who are, at our very essence, nothing more than straight-people-gone-astray.
  • Our opponents insist, too often disingenuously, that our cry for equality is an attempt to destroy religion, freedom of speech, and the foundations of modern civilization.
  • Our opponents continue to try to silence us by dismissing us as if we are petulant children and marginalizing us by spreading lies, saying hurtful things, invoking their gods and morality, and even perpetrating violence against us.

LGBT people have talked until we are electric blue in the face, resulting in losses at the ballot box 32 of 32 times. The strategy has not returned dividends, and we are fucking tired of waging this battle alone. It is time for the people who know and love us to stand up and tell their own stories about who we are. Thankfully, so many of them are doing it and doing it well. To them, we all owe an enormous debt of gratitude and invitations to our extravagantly beautiful gay weddings.

Now, vote to Approve Ref. 74.  Not just because I have asked you to recognize the legal rights that I have been long denied but because good people who have no dog in this fight are asking you, begging you, to do it.

[Side Bar: Apparently, some gays are up-in-arms about the conspicuous lack of gay and lesbian people in political advertising thus far, but they are gays who do not understand or do not care about the nuances of today’s politics. I will not waste my time debating those gays who think that commercials filled to the brim with gays are going to appeal to anyone but more gays and our existing straight allies. It’s pointless.]

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Remember how I promised to bug the living hell out of you about Washington’s push for full marriage equality?  Well, I’m a promise keeper.  No, no, no.  Not a Promise Keeper, silly goose.  I just like to keep my promises.

Over the weekend, the Seattle Times handed its Editorial/Opinion page over to Washington State Senator Dan Swecker so he could give us his opinion about the evils of gay marriage.  Why?  I have no fucking idea, especially since the Times has already come out as pro-marriage equality, not to mention that the Times already knows that Swecker is a fundamentalist who legislates from the bible.  For those of you too lazy to click on links and/or read, here is a quote from the story the Times ran on Swecker in 2006 entitled, “Gay-rights opponent believes ‘it’s a sin'”:

I just read the Bible for what it says.  It basically says that homosexuality is an abomination.

Crazy is as crazy does.  And so it should be no surprise to you that crazy does believe in creationism, too (not to mention prayer in school, the overturning of Roe v. Wade, etc.):

I think creationism is as reasonable an explanation for the origin of species and mankind as the theory of evolution.

Even scarier, the Republican leadership has annointed Swecker as the voice of the party on gay rights issues, even though they know and understand that his fundamentalist position creates HUGE Constitutional law problems for them.  Or wait . . . do they actually know?  Do they actually understand that the roles of church and state are constitutionally separate?  Do they care?  Are they going to continue to ignore the oath of office that they each took to uphold the Constitutions of the United States and the state of Washington?

Any-crazy-how, back to the editorial that the Times ran over the weekend.  Swecker’s premise is that “[t]he timing of this campaign [for marriage equality] could not be less appropriate.”  He continues:

From a lawmaking point of view, we have before us more pressing issues that are critical to the immediate health and welfare of Washingtonians.

First, Senator Swecker, let’s be really clear:  Marriage equality is critical to my immediate health and welfare, and I am 100% Washingtonian.  It is a pressing issue for me and for every other citizen because as long as some of the citizens of this state are not equal, none of us are equal.  Second, equality has always been critical to the health and welfare of Washingtonians and every other citizen of this country, so much so that it was enshrined in the U.S. and Washington Constitutions.  In fact, I challenge you to come up with a “more pressing issue that [is] critical to the immediate health and welfare of Washingtonians” than equality.

I will admit, Senator Swecker has a point:  There is a lot at stake during the 2012 legislative session, and there is really little reason to waste any time on an issue as simple and straight-forward as marriage equality.  As a result, I am calling upon Swecker and the Republican leadership to simply vote yes on marriage equality, be done with it, and move on.  Do not to spend one moment debating marriage equality or delaying its enactment and implementation.  It is the right thing to do, the Constitutional thing to do, the honest thing to do, and by voting “yes” early, you will no doubt save everyone’s time for the other pressing issues like jobs, housing, services, education, budget balancing–issues that by their very nature require much more debate and deliberation than an issue as simple as marriage equality.

Senator Swecker, it is time for the state to provide full marriage equality for all of its citizens, regardless of sexual orientation and regardless of their or your religious convictions.  As a legislator representing people from all walks of life and belief systems, you are constitutionally required to honor the secularity of government.  You took an oath to do so.  After honoring your oath, I invite you to return to your personal life and religious beliefs and to live up to your biblical convictions by affiliating with a church that refuses to solemnize same-sex marriages.  But don’t do it on my time or on my dime as a citizen of Washington and a taxpayer.

To learn more about and support marriage equality for all Washingtonians, visit Washington United For Marriage or HRC Seattle’s Steering Committee or Equal Rights Washington, just to name a few.

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Oh yeah!  It’s Thanksgiving, which means that this year, the RDP* and I drew the short straw and were forced at gun point (and by that I mean my mother’s guilt trip) to host.  My parents drove in last Monday from points east and my brother and his family arrived from points south on Wednesday.  AND THEY ALL OCCUPIED STAYED AT MY HOUSE!  The living conditions were not substantially better or more sanitary than Seattle Central Community College is right now after a month “hosting,” under duress, the Occupy Seattle slobs.

A recap, you ask?  But of course!

  • Who knew that it is illegal to pepper spray your family, especially the snot-nosed brats?  Well, thanks a whole hell of a lot for sharing that little piece of information with me before I unleashed my homemade concoction of chili powder, cayenne, those god damn Pizza Hut pepper flake things, and Mrs. Butterworth’s Lite Maple Syrup (sticky is better) during a particularly ugly game of UNO, which I ended up winning by forfeiture.  I’m kidding.  OR AM I?
  • Hey, bitches!  Thanksgiving has given us a new reason to vote for Initiative 1183, even though the election is now over and it passed anyway.  [Remember, I-1183 wrests control of liquor sales from the state and makes it possible to purchase liquor at the grocery store.]  After spending not 1, not even 2, but 3 of the longest days of my life shuttling my mother to every grocery store in town to buy exotic ingredients for green-disgusting-bean casserole, I needed a drink.  In the car.  Between every stop.  Soon, I will be able to pick up a fifth of Jager or, on a cold and rainy day, some HOT DAMN cinnamon schnapps, which it suddenly occurs to me that I should incorporate into my pepper spray recipe (if the judge will allow me to make it ever again).  Take it from me:  Whole Foods, Sur La Table, Costco, PCC, QFC, 7-11, Bill the Butcher’s, Fred Meyer’s, Central Market, Fantasy For Adults Only (not children, it turns out), Metropolitan Market, Trader Joe’s, and back to Costco would have been all shits and giggles if I could have had a shot after every stop.  I mean, I thought my mother was going to ask me to get in a god damn time machine and take her to Larry’s Market, which for the unknowing, WENT OUT OF BUSINESS 4 YEARS AGO!!!
  • By the way, when your family comes to visit and they say, “Don’t worry about us.  You go about your daily routine, and we’ll entertain ourselves.  We’ll be fine,” what they really mean is, “We are going nowhere unless you take us, we are doing nothing unless you arrange it, we are paralyzed by fear from the traffic and the scary people here, we are here to be waited on hand-and-foot, and you bore us to tears when you work, go for a run, take a shower, or sneak off to mix more pepper spray to use against us.”  These people wouldn’t let me out of their sight.  Not once.  For 7 days.  Even the work that I had to do was done at the dining room table, while my mother read each and every recipe out of her holiday magazines followed by, “That sounds deeee-LISH-ish!  We should make that, don’t you think?”
  • Speaking of cooking, I have discovered that without her reading glasses, my mother cannot tell the difference between 1 teaspoon of salt and 1 tablespoon of salt.  Until it’s too late.
  • When your mother says, “I heard you get up an hour ago, but you’ve been hiding away in your room.  What have you been doing?,” the wrong answer to give almost 100% of the time is “masturbating.”  In my defense, it was not only to teach her a lesson about being a busy-body but also to get her back for for exclaiming the night before, “Boy, for a couple of gay guys, this house sure isn’t decorated very expensively.”  This from the woman who hasn’t been to a Ross Dress For Less where she didn’t find something CRAP-TASTIC in the housewares department.  As they say on the Twitter, #hoarder.
  • Oh, and another thing.  When your mother says, “You used to have such beautiful, thick hair.  Where has it gone?,” you should not unbutton your pants and start pulling them down.  You should also not threaten to punch her in the taco for insinuating that you are losing your hair because she’ll undoubtedly respond, “We aren’t having tacos.  We’re having chili and cornbread.  What are you talking about?”
  • Speaking of hair, when are you going to learn not to wear a v-neck or a button-down shirt around your father?  After all, he is never, ever going to tire of sneaking up on you and pulling your chest hair every chance he gets.
  • Let me tell you why Black Friday is so unbelievably crowded and miserable:  It isn’t because of the deals, as conventional wisdom might suggest.  Not at all.  It is because PEOPLE WILL DO ANYTHING TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE HOUSE and away from their relatives.  I even tried to lose mine in the crowd, but it was like I was wearing a monitoring anklet.
  • Do not make fat jokes about anyone or anything.  Your sister-in-law is very politically correct–or perhaps she has a giant, fat, cellulite covered guilty-conscience.  Maybe.  Also, do not ask her why she likes to recline the front passenger seat back so far when it is obvious that she is trying to make room for her food baby, which has been gestating now for 42 months, I think.  I mean, we are seriously talking about one of those woman who sits with her legs spread because she has to in order to make room for “it.”  You know what I am talking about.  Yes, the F.U.P.  In related and somewhat happy news, almost all of the leftovers were gone before they even had a chance to become leftovers.
  • Speaking of which, when your mother puts her arm around your brother and says, “Doesn’t he look great?  He lost 15 pounds and wants to lose 15 more,” you should ALWAYS, ABSOLUTELY clarify whether she said fifteen or fifty before you respond.  Otherwise, the conversation could get pretty awkward.
  • TAKE NOTE:  When your sibling comes for a visit and brings his wife and children (or at least 3 out of 4 children), please mother fucking remember that it is a vacation for them and they are not going to lift a lazy finger to do anything and they aren’t going to spend a dime buying anything (including food for your gigantically fat sister-in-law).  They are, however, going to complain about everything–including their entirely free accommodations at their apparently-inexpensively-decorated-gay brother’s house.  Added bonus:  When you go out to eat, they are going to wage World War 73 trying to split everything on the bill, including the god damn tortilla chips and salsa (according to how much they think they ate of them) because they “don’t have nearly as much money as you childless gays do.”  Although, now that I think about it, with the amount of food those bitches can put away, splitting the bill would have caused us to consider bankruptcy.
  • Although they do not have any money, that will not stop them from spending $100 on a Xmas tree, which they are going to have to strap to their car and drive back to their own home in a city that is now apparently devoid of Xmas trees, even though it is in a very close neighboring state FAMOUS for growing Xmas trees.  And when I say, “they are going to have to strap to their car,” what I mean is that my father and I are going to stand in the pouring rain trying to tie the tree to the roof of their car while they are inside playing Angry Birds and eating me out of house and home.
  • It doesn’t matter how many times your mother makes a snide comment about it, your father is NOT going to fix the gaping hole left by the tooth that broke off at the root nearly 5 years ago.
  • Finally, never make plans for the Sunday evening after Thanksgiving with friends who 1) are here from out-of-town; 2) are so much god damn fun and such bad boys that you tingle at the thought of spending a raucous evening with them; and 3) unlike your mother, would be delighted if you pulled down your pants in front of them.  Why?  Because your family ISN’T GOING TO GO HOME on Sunday like normal people, preferring instead to deny you the bacchanal you have so deservedly earned after spending a week with them by waiting until Monday morning to depart.

And one more thing:  If your family is like mine, you love them dearly and queerly, despite that a) they are human petri dishes who left you with a throat that feels full of razor blades, a nose like a fire hydrant, and a voice that sounds like Marge Simpson’s sisters’; 2) your “horribly” decorated house looks like a bomb exploded in it; and 3) you found several bottles of your best wine empty and in the recycle bin with no recollection of tasting so much as a drop of them.

Sonsabitches.  It is at times like these where I am certain I was adopted.

*RDP = Registered Domestic Partner but not husband because Washington does not yet grant full marriage rights to all of its citizens.

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Hello? Occupy? Anyone?

Someone’s done the heavy lifting for you.  Oh, and for the record, the people who produced that video are smart 99%-type people who’ve decided to spend their valuable time sorting through the facts and producing a cogent message instead of standing in the street just waiting to be pepper sprayed.

So, do us all a favor, Occu-squatters:  Stop sullying what would otherwise be a really great and important message and movement before you lose the rest of the 99% (all 99% of us) who aren’t acting like a bunch of petulant children.  Stop wasting tax payer money and resources camping out in city parks and college campuses and busy intersections.  Stop hogging our police force, crippling our transit systems, soiling our public spaces, and tying up your fellow 99 percenters so that we can get to work, pay our taxes, raise our families, keep the economy moving (albeit slowly), and spend some of our spare time doing socially responsible activities that will actually affect positive change in this country and the world.

I know you jackasses don’t like to click on my links, but you should, at least the one at the beginning of this heartfelt message to the Occu-squatters.  It is a very clear explanation WITH FACTS (*gasp*) of the great divide in this country between the haves and the have-nots.

[Confidential to WordPress:  YOU MOTHER FUCKERS!  I see you’ve rearranged things on this dump of a blog hosting website so that now we can’t embed videos.  Newsflashy:  I will probably rearrange my blog to another blog.]

 

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