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Posts Tagged ‘truth’

How many of you have heard of this thing:  Michelle Malkin? God damn. Even the name sends shivers up and down my spine. Blech. I feel about her the way I do spiders: creepy, too many eyes, too many legs, poisonous, too many webs of lies in which to trap you.  (N.B. I do not actually know how many legs Michelle Malkin has.)

Do not be trapped!  If you are a “too long, didn’t read” on her bio then fine, lazy-pants, I’ll fill you in. But do not, under any circumstances, become too lazy to read this post, because you will not believe it.

  • She has 345,000 followers (OMG HOLY SHIT JESUS CHRIST) on Twitter.
  • She is a 40-something
  • She is Filipina
  • She is a 1st generation American, her parents having immigrated to this United States on an employer-sponsored visa shortly before her birth (and for which I give them a huge shout-out and a hearty welcome to the Land of Opportunity)
  • She is Roman Catholic
  • She graduated from Oberlin with a degree in English and was an outspoken student critic of the College’s affirmative action program and has, since her graduation, described it as “radically left-wing.”
  • She started her career as a journalist in 1992.
  • She is now a frequent commentator on Fox News Channel and a regular guest host of The O’Reilly Factor (OMG, even spelling that out made me feel like I might barf in my mouth. Saliva. Too. Much. Fucking. Saliva. )
  • She accused John Kerry of inflicting his own battle wounds on MSNBC once (no shit).
  • She runs some dump of a website under her own name and also the name Twitchy, which automatically makes me think of a crystal meth addict, but I’m sure I’m making a false association.  I am, right?  (N.B.  I am not providing links because I am not going to drive traffic to her sites. It’s my gift to you.)
  • She might live in OH MY SWEET BABY JESUS IN PURPLE VELVET PANTS FOR THE HOLIDAYS JESUS.  I think she lives in Seattle.  And by that, I don’t mean I really think she lives in Seattle as much as she lives in some city near Seattle where the people are crazy.

Tonight was the night that my President, Barack Obama, accepted his and my party’s nomination for President.  He delivered an amazing speech about raising people up, not getting a leg up on people like the Republican nominee. Have I made clear that Michelle Malkin is “not-my-fucking-people,” as I like to say. Which is sad and confusing, because she does not represent the Filipinos I know and love, including one of my BESTIE-BESTS.  I don’t know what has caused her to reject the proud heritage and history of Filipino people, a heritage and history of family unity, acceptance, integrity, warmth, hospitality, loyalty, inclusiveness, equality, understanding, empathy, sympathy, and other progressive ideals. But, sister has THROWN them to the curb, like a john throws a 72 year old hooker.  She hates progressive ideals more than I hate rich, entitled, conservative, male baby-boomers who want to trans-vaginally ultrasound every woman with a vagina, including Michelle Malkin, and even some men. (THAT, sir, is not a vagina.)

During Obama’s comments on entrepreneurship and building businesses, Malkin had this to tweet:

Michelle Malkin

WTF are BuckyBalls? Keep reading.

I know what you are BEGGING TO KNOW!  What the fuck is she talking about? As far as I can tell, she blames Obama for putting Gibson Guitars, medical device makers, drillers, and BuckyBalls out of business. Of course, she forgets–and by forgets, I mean ignores–that the Great Recession began under and as a result of George W. Bush’s reign of terror in Aug. 2008. She, however, like McVeepy Paul Ryan are light on facts, full of lies. Or maybe they’re just not too smart.

Both. Clearly both.

Boil her tweet down, HorseKnuckle, you fucking hottie. Ok. Fine:

  1. Gibson Guitars:  OMFG.  Apparently, Gibson Guitars isn’t even out of business. It makes $500 million a year. On guitars. Instead, the actual problem is that Gibson Guitars has been under criminal investigation for violating the Lacey Act, because it has “allegedly” been importing rare and protected wood from India and Madagascar to build its guitars, which is a violation of their laws and ours.  Our government agencies seized guitars made from such wood during raids of Gibson’s manufacturing facilities.  Oh, and Gibson has now settled with the U.S. over these accusations for a monetary equivalent of roughly $600,000, apparently preferring not to take the U.S. to the mat in court.  interestink.  But hardly a business shut-down, Michelle Malkin, SINCE IT REPRESENTS POINT 1 PERCENT (0.1%) OF THE COMPANY’S ANNUAL INCOME. So, shut the fuck up.
  2. The elusive “medical device maker”:  Here we go. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it 1,000 times: When Republicans don’t have facts, they speak in generalities to scare people. If unnamed medical device makers have been forced out of business, I am sure it is because of defective products (see no. 4, below) or failing to comply with Medicare and Medicaid reimbursement procedures (I was, at one time in my miserable career, a health care attorney, and I am on to these device-making mother fuckers–“Get your 3-wheel scooter for free; get your catheter equipment for free; get your diabetic supplies for better than free because we’ll give you cash back from your insurance coverage.” Ring a BELL Malkin?)
  3. Driller: Again, generalities without facts. Do you think she’s talking about oil drilling companies? Oil companies that have polluted the entire Gulf of Mexico like BP (if you don’t know what I’m talking about, then get the fuck away from me). Or oil companies that have polluted the water table by pumping salt water into the earth to extract more oil from depleted resources, thereby polluting the ground water for human, animal, and even plant-life? (P.S. I also worked on a case in my early career related to this issue.)  If they are out of business, then slap my ass and call me sally. They aren’t. They are making money hand-over-fist while they spit in our faces, make extraordinary profits off of our oil dependence, and KILL THE FUCKING PLANET! Wake up. Shut up. PAY ATTENTION. They should be regulated to within 1 inch of their worthless, planet-killing lives.
  4. Bucky-Fucking-Balls:  Are you sitting down, by chance? Do you know what are these BuckyBalls? Just SEARCH IT! But, wait, lazy-pants. I’ll tell you. They make highly magnetized itsy-bitsy toys that can be swallowed by children. Once swallowed, the magnets attract each other and TEAR THE FUCKING INTESTINES OF CHILDREN APART GOD DAMMIT. Added bonus: Adults, too!! Yay! Did you hear me?  And they have been distributed not just in America–they are a threat to human life (children’s lives, in particular) around the globe. But, blame Obama for regulating them and taking enforcement action against them for continuing to sell a highly dangerous product, with full knowledge, to the entire world full of children. If I were Obama, that is blame I would gladly, joyously accept.

Michelle Malkin, who is so pro-life that she has a blog post entitled “The Right Pro-Life Ladies” (I broke my link rule to show you just what a hypocrite this woman is) now has the testicles to complain that the Obama administration has filed an enforcement proceeding against a company that kills living, breathing children. I seriously cannot even wrap my head around her bullshit. It makes no sense.

If you want to look into the face of evil, look at the Republican party and its mouthpieces, particularly those who are capable of understanding their position in the world as racial, ethnic, religious, gender, sexual, etc. minorities but choose to fucking ignore it.

I know, too god damn long. But someone needs to speak up!

[Confidential to Ms. Malkin: I am watching you. You speak too many inaccuracies for them to be accidental or the product of ignorance. I don’t know what your motivations are or who is paying you to spread lies (Fox News? Just a guess), but I am watching your mouth. So is your God. She told me.]

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Bill Clinton Fact Checker

The fact checkers have been in full force, which I applaud.  I really do. Especially when they actually can find verifiable lies told by our politicians.

They are scrambling . . . I MEAN SCRAMBLING . . . to come up with something from Bill Clinton’s speech last night. And it was a long speech. Very long.  Take this AP article this morning.  It checks exactly four (4!) “facts,” which I would actually call “points” more than facts, to wit:

  1. Clinton said that Republicans don’t compromise.  The article takes exception to this and states that President Obama has not always been willing to compromise on everything.  To support its claim, it then throws Republicans under the bus on the budget deal (“Boehner couldn’t sell the plan to tea party factions . . . or other conservative activists”), and then points out that Obama did not take the advice of the Simpson-Bowles Commission, a Commission that wouldn’t even endorse its own report on major fiscal problems.  So, really, Republicans and conservative activists won’t compromise, and Obama won’t take the advice of a Commission that won’t even take its own advice.  Got it.  Huh?  WTF?
  2. Clinton said that ObamaCare is helping to keep health care costs in check and observed that health care spending has grown under 4 percent in the past 2 years. The article does not challenge the “fact” that health care spending has barely increased. Instead, the article says it could be attributable instead to a slow economy and says that people have seen “little relief” from rising health insurance premiums in the workplace.  In fact, the article quotes difference in premiums between 2009 and today (which is actually 3 years of data). Guess what? Premiums for families have increased only 8.8% in 3 years, and the share paid by employees themselves has only increased 8.5% in 3 years. So, health insurance premiums are actually rising slower than the historically slow growth in spending.  That sounds good to me, and certainly doesn’t call into question Clinton’s comments.  Not, at least, in my mind.
  3. Clinton compared economic growth during his own Presidency to the trajectory of growth during Obama’s, implying that it takes time before the economy will “roar,” like it did in the 1990s.  No one can argue that this country experienced EXCEPTIONAL economic growth in the late 1990s when Clinton was President.  The article then says that by March, 2001, months after Clinton left the White House, “the economy toppled into recession.”  So, we’ve been in a recession for 11 years? This article needs to be fact-checked more than Bill Clinton.  The “Great Recession” didn’t start until roughly August, 2008, near the end of Bush’s term in office, not Clinton’s.  Not to be outdone by that stretch of truth, the article also blames Bill Clinton for the 2008 “financial meltdown,” because he supported the 1999 repeal of the Glass-Steagall Act.  Ugh. I mean even if repeal of Glass-Steagall resulted in a financial meltdown nearly a decade later, it actually took a huge team of political leaders and an act of Congress to repeal the law.  Bill Clinton is not to blame any more than Obama is to blame for Congress’ inability to compromise (see no. 1, above).
  4. Clinton pointed out that Romney/Ryan’s pollster said, “We’re not going to let our campaign be dictated by fact checkers.”  The article does not disagree that the Romney/Ryan campaign said that.  It’s a well-documented fact.  But then, suddenly, the article takes us back in time to the Monica Lewinsky scandal to make the point that Clinton was not always truthful about his personal life while in office.  Methinks the other reason to include this “fact check”–or whatever–is because the author could find only 3 places in Clinton’s entire speech where perhaps a point needed further clarification.  Methinks the author couldn’t actually find any true facts that needed to be checked at all and decided to throw Clinton under the bus in general as a life-long liar himself in a desperate attempt to come up with something–anything–that made Clinton look untrustworthy.  That is fucking bullshit, as is the entire article.

A note to the AP and the author:  When you fact-check a speech, you check for lies, not differences in opinion between political leaders or experts.  You say, “Clinton said health care spending has risen less than 4% each of the past 2 years,” and then you verify whether it is true.  In this case, BINGO!  True. Or, you look for statements from Paul Ryan like “Obama failed to keep a Wisconsin GM plant open,” and then you verify the exact date of closure and discover it closed before Obama took office. In that case, NOT BINGO!  False.  A lie.

Now, who is going to fact-check the fact-checkers?  I don’t have time to do this all day.

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I am on fire tonight. Actually, I am on fire every day when it comes to my rights, but tonight, I’m on fire in WORDS, bitches.  WORDS AND WORDS AND WORDS! So, I have another blog post for you.

On the heels of a story I posted about how marriage equality does not turn people into Eunuchs and that children raised by same-sex couples are fully aware of their own and other people’s genders, my favorite homo-hater,* Peter LaBarbera has tried to tell me that gay and lesbian couples can’t make children.

Breeders

Oh, really, Peter

Then, he proceeded to tell me that I, a person with a degree IN BIOLOGY (as well as a minor in math, a degree in a liberal art, and a law degree), need to take a biology class:

Stupid

Only infertile people can’t make babies, you genius.

Fuck you, Peter (and by Peter, I mean Peter himself as well as his various cohorts-in-oppression).  Peter, I know you wish were there so you could take pictures of how my little tykes were made, just like you like to take pictures at the Pride parade, Chicago’s IML, or the same-sex kiss-in at Chicago’s Chick-fil-A (which pictures are totally for research and development purposes, I’m sure), but you weren’t there and you have no fucking idea what you are talking about. The lesson there, in case you missed it, Peter, is:  You should shut your pie hole.

Homo-haters,* fight us all you want about marriage equality, but really, you have already lost your battle against LGBT people, and I’m a prime example. I’m out in every aspect of my life and have been for a long time. My family loves and supports me. I’ve been in the same gay relationship for 8 years. I’m outspoken and visible and politically active. I’m well-educated. I FUCKING VOTE. I may not enjoy the same rights that you take for granted (yet), but rights notwithstanding, your inability to get me to conform to your draconian social and religious ideals is already an epic fail. You will never, ever be able to force me into a heterosexual relationship, and you’ve already failed to prevent me from building a family on my terms. On that note, meet the two best things that have ever happened to me in my life.  EVER:

My guys

Perfect in every way!

You lose.

*Someone sent this to me earlier today after I publicly waged war with a woman who took my brother to task for supporting me and my fight for equality.  Its accuracy is both comedic and succinct, and I will no longer use the word homophobe to describe those of you who try to hold my head under water as a second-class citizen.

Homophobia

Enough said

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For those short on reading, here is the Reader’s Digest version of this blog post: I’m politically active; I invest lots of time and money in organizations and companies willing to make positive change in the world; and I vote every, single chance I get. I’m not just some random jackass willing to buy a tasteless chickin sandwich as a sign of solidarity. If you are a right-wingnut, you should fear me.

Now the longer, more interesting version, complete with photographic evidence of my premise.

Today, I had an epiphany. The hullabaloo over stupid, worthless, shit-food giant Chick-fil-A is nothing more than another conservative, rancid red herring in the upcoming election.  Sure, a higher than average number of people showed up to show their support of traditional marriage by buying and choking down pickled buns, fried “meat,” and gallons of soda. Delicious, I suppose, if you are a maggot. But, can we keep the whole thing in its true perspective?  Let’s say that the average store saw 500 devotees of hate and bigotry appear on one day to swallow not only disgusting fast food but putrid public policy.  Multiply that by 1,600 stores and what do you get?  You get .2% (yes, POINT TWO PERCENT) of the U.S. population.  Let’s say that 1,000 people showed up on average at each store.  Now we’re up to .4% of the entire population of the United States. *Yawn* Fuck, I almost fell asleep.

But, guess what?  They aren’t all registered voters.  No way.  And buying chickin from homophobes does not necessarily translate into electoral victory.  In fact, I would guess that a lower proportion of Rat-fil-A “supporters” are actually registered voters than the national average, and I am certain that they turn out in fairly low numbers to vote even if they are registered.

Because I am such a bitch, I’ll tell you why:  the lines at Rat-fil-A were knee deep in children, the poor (who are historically and tragically under-registered), and felons.  I have no proof of the latter, but come on.  Did you see those douchebags?  Felon after felon, chowing down on disgusting, unhealthy fast food in the name of “traditional” marriage.  All of those people, buying the lowest-common-denominator of food so that the profits can not only make the Cathy family rich but also allow them to donate millions of dollars to harm other people and deny people their rights.  I mean, the money the Cathy family has invested to keep LGBT people in a second class position could be spent to better the lives of people, not make their lives worse. More to the point, those millions of dollars could be spent to better the lives of Chick-fil-A’s own customers.  Imagine that . . .

So, today I have decided to give conservative jackasses a wake-up call.  I am going to add pictures so that people who are light on reading (or worse, light on understanding) will still get the point.

Today was Starbucks appreciation day.  Starbucks has been a pillar of support in the fight for equal treatment of ALL people, including LBGT people.  I decided to put my money where my mouth is this afternoon (just like so many days previous), to wit:

Starbucks

Grande Skinny Gay-Loving Mocha, please!

But, guess what?  That is not the only REALLY FUCKING IMPORTANT THING I did today.  Look at what I did just before I bought my delicious mocha:

Voting

I voted 2 minutes before I bought a Starbucks coffee. Yes, I fucking did.

For those of you who don’t know what the picture represents, I’ll spell it out for you.  That is a picture of 1) my hand 2) dropping my ballot into 3) a ballot drop box.  I vote.  And I vote often.  Every chance I get.  Even today, in Washington’s primary election. And it was my pleasure to vote against the conservative establishment and fucked-up, right-wing policies that continue to deny citizens their health, their happiness, their financial security, and THEIR RIGHTS!

And one more thing, conservatives. Not only do I put my hard-earned money where my mouth is, not only do I vote with more than more own interests at heart, but I am at the heart and soul of the LGBT rights movement. I mean MOTHER FUCKING CLOSE.  How close?  Well, for example, this is a picture I took last night, where I met the new President of the Human Rights Campaign at a very small, intimate affair for Seattle’s local volunteer leadership team and loyal, dedicated donors:

HRC

Inspiring, approachable, reasonable, smart. The future of our country, Chad Griffin.

For those of you conservatives/Republicans/CRAZIES who are constantly and reliably contributors to the right-wing lie machine–not to mention the misfortune of so many other people–I am warning you now:  Your days of power and oppression are numbered. You should be afraid. Very afraid.  Particularly of people like me, who are willing to meet you toe-to-toe on the very sacred earth that you continue to defile and scorch with your lies and bad policy.

To the rest of you, those of you who are people of integrity, those of you who have a world view that encompasses raising every single person up instead of keeping certain people and groups down, I want you to take heart.  We can make change.  We are making change.  In the short term, our challenge is to refine our own messages of truth so that we create a truth-machine that is as succinct and efficient as the lies told ad nauseum by the right-wingnuts.  Start here.  Memorize.  Repeat every chance you get for every issue:  Women; the poor; ethic/racial/religious minorites; disabled; disenfranchised and on and on.

  • We value human dignity and respect the rights of all people.
  • We invest in businesses who value human dignity and respect the rights of all people.
  • We give money and countless hours of our time and talents to organizations who value human dignity and respect the rights of all people.
  • We vote for candidates who value human dignity and respect the rights of all people.

To that end, the pictures (above) paint a very succinct picture, which I will reiterate: I’m politically active; I invest lots of time and money in organizations and companies willing to make positive change in the world; and I vote every, single chance I get. And I hate fried chickin bullshit.

 

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NOM, the National Organization for Marriage (which could be called the National Organization Against Marriage Equality) is behind every single anti-marriage equality effort in this country.  I would call them crazy bullshit artistes, if there was any art at all to what they say.  Instead, they are just fucking liars and haters.  Period.  Amen.

Minnesota for Marriage (a NOM-affiliate) has just issued 6 reasons why gay marriage should not be permitted in Minnesota, and they are the biggest pile of horseshit I have seen since I last saw a god damn barn full of Clydesdales.  HRC has provided counterpoints, but HRC is just too farking nice (I know, they have to be).  So, I have decided to take it upon myself to really break this pile of absolute rubbish down in language that we can all understand and regurgitate.  Prepare for awesomesauce.

 1. Sex between a man and a woman has the unique capacity to create a child.

False.  There is nothing unique about it, and making a baby does not require sex between a man and a woman.  No.  Instead, a man can jack off onto a Ziplock bag, suck it up in a needleless syringe, and hand it off to his very dear lesbian friends who then squirt it into one of their vaginas.  Or, a man can go to a reproductive clinic; introduce himself to the teenage, female receptionist behind the counter as “I’m here to masturbate;” lock himself in a strange little room where straight porn is playing (which isn’t particularly to the man’s liking, but you do what you gotta do); fill a sterile cup with his man-juice and hand it to a lab worker who then picks out the strongest swimmers and injects them into the eggs he has collected from the man’s dear lesbian friend to make zygotes which will later be piped into the lesbian’s willing and ready womb.  You know how I know this shit?

That's how you do it!

2. Pregnancy can occur regardless of whether the couple intends to create a child or not.

I have no fucking idea what point the crazy homophobes are trying to make with this one, so I’ll just respond thusly:  “Great!  Just what we need.  More unwanted and unexpected pregnancies.  You bitches need to lay off the crack smoking when you are writing this stuff.”  Wouldn’t it be awful if every parent in the world had to actually make the same deliberate, well-reasoned, concerted effort to have children that gay and lesbian people have to make?  Wouldn’t it be awful if every child born in this country was wanted as earnestly and lovingly as the children born to or adopted by or raised by gay and lesbian people?  Apparently, according to the doucheholes at NOM, it would be better to have children born of unplanned pregnancies than those that require the planning that should go into parenting decisions.

3. The new human life that is created is vulnerable and needs the protection of adults.

I don’t know how NOM was able to see through our fight for marriage equality so easily.  You geniuses are right.  By demanding marriage equality, what we are really advocating is that brand new babies be handed over to packs of wild animals–wolves, tigers, pandas, orangutangs, hyenas, wombats–to be raised.  We don’t want marriage equality.  We want to make sure that children are raised by anything other than adults, or left in a dumpster to fend for themselves like you non-gay types are prone to doing on an all too-frequent basis (see, e.g., Google News Search, keywords “newborn” and “dumpster”).

What in the fuck are you people talking about?  Marriage equality is not going to expose children to less protection by adults.  No.  It’s going to expose children to MORE protection by adults, particularly gay and lesbian couples who already have children or intend to have children.  It’s going to provide for additional stability and safety and care.  Not less.  Fools.

4. The man and woman who created the new life typically have the most interest in and are best at protecting and guiding that child.

The only way you can believe this carafe of diarrhea is if you have had your head up your ass for . . . well, forever.  Let me give you some examples of how great biological parents are at protecting and guiding their offspring:

I would go on, but I simply cannot.  It’s TOO FUCKING SAD!  So, before you say one more fucking time that marriage equality is going to result in more bad parenting, you better step out of your own glass house, because some of you non-gays do the most horrible and awful things imaginable to your children.  Certainly the gays couldn’t parent any worse.  It would be impossible.

5. They agree that they will both be legally responsible for any child conceived during the marriage.

First, what is it about marriage equality that makes you think that we are advocating for the abdication of legal responsibility for children?  I would call that a mental leap, but in NOM’s case, I think it’s more of a mental gap.  Second, because gays and lesbians can’t have, adopt, or raise children simply by rubbing their genitals together in the backseat of a 1995 Toyota Corolla, the legal concerns that arise from raising children have usually not only been considered but addressed.  Third, anyone can agree to be legally responsible for a child, and many, many non-biological parents have done just that.  From step-parenting to adoption to foster care to guardianship and on and on.  So don’t give me any shit about how no one other than a child’s bio-parents can actually parent or be legally responsible.

6. Couples must work for decades together to raise a child from conception to adulthood.

Uh-huh.  Yeah.  So?  To my knowledge, there is no provision in any marriage equality legislation that says gay and lesbian couples will parent for less time than necessary to raise their children.  Even so, many non-bio parents step into their parenting roles long after conception and do a fantastic job raising the children that you non-gays have all to often abandoned, abused, or otherwise misguided.  Or children who have, sadly, lost one or both parents.  For example, look at grandparents and aunts and uncles who raise their grandchildren or nephews and nieces.  Look at foster parents.  Look at single parents, many of whom do an unbelievably good job of raising children despite the road blocks often in place.  Look, for crying out loud, at Brangelina.  Think, too, about adults who contribute to the upbringing of children without actually parenting full-time, from teachers and mentors to relatives to complete strangers.  Good parenting is done both in the moment and over the long haul, and it doesn’t take biological parents to provide a good upbringing for children.  The evidence is all around us, every single day.

Ultimately, marriage equality and child-rearing have nothing to do with each other.  Non-gays get married all of the time and do not have children.  Gays raise children all of the time without having the right to marry.  The arguments surrounding children and child-rearing are true red herrings, designed to distract conservative lemmings who refuse to look at the world around them or think critically about the shit-sandwich they are being fed by conservative groups and leaders.  More importantly, arguments like those above are blatantly and obviously stupid, perpetuated by people who are not motivated by their concern for marriage or for children.  They are motivated by hate and ignorance.

 

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Here is one thing I know for god damn certain:  The minutes pass like months when you are sitting at home alone on a Friday night listening to your RDP rattle the timbers with the kind of snoring that can only be induced by a combination of Nyquil, Alka-seltzer Snot Nose (TM), and over-the-counter sleep meds.  Or something like that.  So, what’s a sassy gay with impeccable manscaping to do?  Besides kill himself?  I don’t know.

No, really.  I can’t think of anything else.

Thanks gods I don’t believe in the suicide.  No, really.  I don’t.  Talk about a passive-aggressive way to pass the problems that you thought you couldn’t bear one single minute longer to everyone else in your life.  But I digress.

Do you know that tickle that you sometimes get in your ear after you turn *fmmmphhhty* years old?  Turns out it isn’t a terminal condition.  It’s hair.  God fucking dammit.  Congratulations on your continued survival.  With. Hair. In. Your. Ears.

Actually, as a card-carrying, American, male homosexual, I’m pretty sure that hair in my ears is terminal and will result in death.  At least the death of any hope that I’ll ever get laid again.  And, if you ask a card-carrying, American, crazy, right-wing homophobe like Rick Santorum or Mitt Romney or the Catholic Church or the MOTHER FUCKING INSANE people at the National Organization for Marriage, sex is the only thing that card-carrying American male homosexuals live for, think about, or do.

Still, I digress, but I’m going to bring it full circle and you are going to be amazed, impressed, and wanna have relations with me.

In this edition of Extravagant Gay Lifestyle (TM), you will please observe that sex is the farthest thing from the minds of the card-carrying, American, male homosexuals who live in my house.  All two of them.  Instead, the RDP has managed to catch the Bird Flu or SARS or Tuberculosis or rickets from the dirty, filthy people with whom he works.  For the fourth night in a row, he has retired to the bedroom (and by that, I mean our marital domestical parntnershipal bed) with two +/- 60 pound dogs, long before any of our grandparents would even signify their exhaustion with living by yawning a giant, toothless, mothball-scented yawn.  And for the fourth night in a row, I am left to contemplate my navel in complete and utter silence, lest I wake the hybernating RDP with television or the sounds of me singing along to Whitney Houston’s Greatest Hits for the 13th day in a row.

Speaking of Whitney, please do not worry that the RDP will Houston himself with all that cold medicine.  I made him promise not to take a bath or get in the hot tub.  I’m smart like that.

So, right-wing snatches, how’s that for your amped-up, godless, kinky impression of the gay lifestyle?  Pretty fucking titillating, isn’t it?  I know what you’re thinking: “Bitch, please.  We know you are going to hit ‘publish’ on this worthless excuse for a blog post and then spend the next 10 hours shooting heroine, watching porn, and calling complete and utter strangers to your home via Grindr for sexual encounters.”  To which I should respond, “See you soon, crazy, self-loathing, complete and utter stranger.  Please post a decent head shot of yourself on Grindr or I won’t even give you my address.  And if you do not resemble your headshot by at least 46%, you ain’t comin’ in.”

Wouldn’t that kind of response make you conservative, defense-of-marriage-act dickheads happy?  Not so fucking fast.  I refuse to perpetrate your lies about me or your willingness to portray me as a promiscuous devil-child, hell-bent on destroying civilization.   Instead, I am now going to retire for the evening with my Kindle Fire to play Angry Birds in the spare bedroom, 20 feet away from the sawing of Sequoiadendron giganteum in the bedroom across the hall.  Why?  Not to prove a point.  No, not at all.  I am going to retire for the evening because I lead an Extravagant Gay Lifestyle (TM).

You know, the type that cures insomnia.  Boo-frickin’-yah!

 

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I’m here

Alrighty, sluts.  I’m mostly back.  Sometimes life grabs you by the short and curlies, and when it does, I become a little anti-social.  I call it “dark space,” and you can read into that anything you want.  Plus, the holidays suck the life out of me, not to mention I drown my holiday miseries in various exploits of mostly ill-repute, almost 57.935% of which feel really good during but not necessarily after.

What am I trying to say?  NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.  [Confidential to the co-Yin to my co-Yang (or vice versa/whatever):  Less dark today.  Definitely less dark.  Still shady, though.]

Now, moving on . . .

Have I mentioned that the Washington Legislature is going to vote to approve full marriage equality for gay and lesbian citizens this session?  Well, they are.  Governor Gregoire has taken the bold step of introducing the bill herself, and so far, at least one Republican (Sen. Litzow, LD 41) has agreed to vote yes.

WAIT JUST A FUCKING MINUTE!  Newsflash, you stupid horse!  A second Republican Senator, Sen. Cheryl Pflug, expressed her intention to vote yes on the bill, too, just a few hours ago.  Shit.  You all do not understand how important it is to have Republicans agree to vote in favor of this bill–we need a few cross-over Republicans in order to make up for a few chicken-shit “democrats,” who will not vote for marriage equality.  Fucking amazing news.  I better have another drink to celebrate.  Please hold . . . . . . . and back (with drink).

If you will indulge me, can we now celebrate the joy that is stupid?  I knew you would agree, you stupid-lovers.

Do any of you know who this freak-of-nature is?

Crazy

Who's crazy? He's crazy! Yay!

Well, let me tell you.  He is a local religious leader type person, and he hates all gay rights, including marriage equality.  Oh, and he is filled to the brim with crazy-sauce, like a dead corpse is filled with embalming fluid.  In fact, so opposed to equal rights is “man-of-god” Hutcherson that he even agreed to participate in a marriage equality “debate” on January 18, 2012, with the likes of Dan Savage–a debate that when asked by my pals to attend, I said, quite vehemently, “Fuck off.”  Not only is there no real debate about the Constitutional mandate that requires equality, but there is no debate that gay and lesbian Washingtonians continue to be denied equality in marriage.  Plus, all of the arguments against marriage equality are bullshit–such bullshit that they do not bear repeating on my very important, high-quality, no bullshit blog.  Oh, and I am already an exceptionally angry person, and I do not need to see or listen to Hutcherson and his ilk spew crazy any more than I need to be robbed at gun point or to be stuck in grid-lock when I have a date with my favorite cocktail.

But, here’s the rub:  The good and godly have pulled out of the debate under what can only be described as false pretenses.  By false, I mean that they have said they will not attend because the original venue is “too small,” the “debate” needs to be moved to a larger venue, a larger venue will cost thousands of dollars, and a larger venue cannot be secured on such short notice.  And by false, I also mean to say that they are chicken-shits.  And they are stupid, Stupid, and STUPID.  Why?  Unless they are stupid, then even they know in their hearts and minds that marriage equality is the right thing to do.

Side Note:  In the last few days, while Hutcherson was pulling out of the “debate,” his partner in crime and fellow entertainer debator, Steve Pidgeon, filed a proposed Initiative that would “protect” (really?) marriage by defining it as “between one man and one woman.”  If they collect enough signatures, it will appear on the ballot and the tyrannical majority will vote on it in the general election in November.  Quaint, no?  Fuckers are as fuckers do.  Or something like that.

Whilst the chicken-shit, “separation of church and Whaaa?” wing of the Republican party are running for the hills, the fair-minded, oath-of-office honoring, equality-minded wing of the Republican party are coming out in favor of marriage equality.  Think I’m kidding?  Besides the Senators mentioned above, Republican King County Councilmember Reagan Dunn (the son of U.S. Congresswoman Jennifer Dunn (R-Wash., deceased)), as well as Republican Councilmembers Jane Hague and Pete von Reichbauer, voted for a King County statement in favor of marriage equality.**

In summary, there is no debate about marriage equality for gays and lesbians.  It is the right thing to do, now is the time to do it, and only the INSANELY STUPID AND CRAZY are coming out against it.  Even when they come out against it, they retreat into the shadows of hatred and misinformation before they can be subjected to the bright, white light of justice, equality, and the truth (even if the bright, white light takes the form of entertainment debate).

If you’re a Washingtonian, first, a shout out:  “Hey, girl, heyyyyy!”  Second, call your state Representative and Senator, particularly if he or she is a Republican, and ask him or her to vote yes for marriage equality this Legislative session.  If you do not know who your elected Representative or Senator is, use this handy tool from the Legislature to look them up.  Finally, a sincere thanks for helping to make equality a reality for every citizen.

**Reagan Dunn said that his vote in favor of marriage equality is due in part to the influence of gay and lesbian friends.  No doubt, his work on the King County Council with fellow Councilmember Joe McDermott–who is not only smart, talented, reasonable, and well-respected, but also openly gay–has had an enormous impact on Dunn’s politics.  I’m sure others in the GLBT community have influenced Dunn, too.  If anyone doubts the power of living openly, of standing in the truth of who you are, this should be a lesson.  You can influence people and help craft a future of equality–whether gay or straight or in between–simply by telling your story; speaking out in favor of equality; demanding that your elected officials recognize and effectuate equality for all; and, most importantly, voting for equality and equality-minded individuals every single chance you get.

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