So much shit happened today that I couldn’t even figure out what I wanted to blog about tonight. And then, like a freight train full of rendered cattle ramming headlong through the middle of my boudoir, the National Organization for [straight] Marriage posted a huge festering pile of shit on its blog. And the earth opened and the hellfires rose up and tickled me on my perky little ass and I screamed, “yes. Yes. YES! Sweet heat, burn the words from my mind through my fingers and all over my blog, like man-seed on my belly after a fun Friday night.”
Fasten your seatbelts.
Now, we’ve previously established that you sluts do not read anything to which I link. So, while I will provide a link to the festering pile of shit, please know that I have taken it upon myself to don a haz-mat suit to read the entirety of the mess. For you. That is how much I love you. Let’s break it DOWN!
First, the title of the post is “The Miracle Continues.” What miracle, you ask? No, Jesus did not come back to earth. No, Mary did not appear in a bag of fucking Cheetos. No, my fantastic man-tits were not gifts from the Pope. The “miracle” is that, according to NOM, its ads are working. You know the ads: The ones full of lies, mistruths, scare tactics, Canadians (yes, citizens of another country) who have been fired for anti-gay comments in violation of CANADIAN law (and did I mention Canada is a separate, sovereign country where the rules and laws are different/better than in the U.S. on this issue?), business owners who have been denied their GOD FUCKING GIVEN rights to discriminate against homosexuals, and kindergartners who have been taught in public schools across the universe to give blow jobs.
Since the lies began airing roughly the middle of October, the dumbest of dumb voters have decided that the literally unfathomable is in fact true. And I’m not just talking about the existence of God. People actually believe that school children who can’t even fucking read are going to be taught directly from The Joy of Gay Sex in every public school in the U.S.
Second, and you better sit your perky ass in a chair, NOM has come out of the closet as a race baiter (even though we all knew it was thanks to the internal memos that the Human Rights Campaign was able to obtain). I am just going to snip the relevant portion for you, because I cannot do this shit justice with a summary:
Do you see that? NOM is openly trying to drive wedges between minority groups, even though at the time the memos were revealed, Brian Brown (NOM’s Grand Poobah) responded, “We proudly bring together people of different races.” I would feel like an asshole for not pointing out that NOM’s leadership (at least those that it is willing to disclose) is made up entirely of entitled white people, mostly men.
Third, something about how traditional marriage voters are going to show up en masse and elect Romney and the polls are tight and how Obama is a gay-loving, marriage hating, liberal and how some gay-haters will still vote for Obama but that’s ok because NOM is extra inclusive and loves everyone. No, I’m not making any of that up, I’m just too fucking annoyed to explain further.
Fourth, one other person whom I have never heard of but apparently speaks Russian and Hebrew (again, not making this up) is speaking out against marriage equality. Dennis Prager. Oh, yeah. And Billy Graham, well-known for BEING AS CLOSE TO DEATH AS ANY PERSON ON THE PLANET. Tick tock, Oldy Moldy and your intolerant ilk. Tick fucking tock.
And finally . . . mercifully . . . the blog post ends with a video featuring that insipid pixie of a woman, Kelly Yanta, who is to journalism what black is to white. I would embed the video, but the cunts and WordPress want me to pay for additional space or something. Plus, I don’t want you to throw up your last meal without affirmatively clicking on a link and assuming the risk knowingly and voluntarily.
As you can see, the miracle does indeed continue. For example, that these people continue to have a voice in American politics and culture is a fucking miracle. That these people have some how convinced racial minorities that liberals are out to get them is a fucking miracle. That some Americans continue to give these villains their ear and pay even a thread of attention to their ads and their lies is a Christmas fucking miracle.
2012 will be the year that all that changes. Nov. 6, 2012, by my estimation.