Archive for the ‘Hypocrites’ Category

In today’s edition of “Shut Your Pie Hole,” I give you Star Parker. You don’t read anything longer than a paragraph, so here are the fine points:

  • She is a strict constructionist, which means that she, like Justice “Crazypants” Scalia, believes the Constitution should be read only in the historical context in which it was written. What I am trying to say is that these nutjobs think that the Constitution can only be applied to modern legal issues as if it is still the late-mother fucking 1700s. 
  • She believes that being gay and wanting full equality is “an impulse of the moment.”
  • She says that marriage and family are the pillars of healthy society through which “time-tested truths and values” (!) are transmitted and that society has lost its way because the electorate is permitted to vote on gay marriage and has voted incorrectly of late.
  • She concludes by calling LGBT people deviants.

In short, she’s a fucking gem. But it gets worse once you truly understand this woman. So, let me boil her down for you:

  • Star Parker isn’t her real name. Her name is actually Larstella Irby.
  • Despite her new name, she doesn’t appear to be a hooker.
  • She is African American.
  • She was arrested for shoplifting and admits to robbing a liquor store and stealing a car to flea her crimes.
  • She spent her early adult years high on PCP and other drugs and lived on welfare. She now opposes welfare.
  • She says she has had four abortions. She now is morally opposed to abortion.
  • She found Jesus.
  • She was a radio show host but was “laid off” when Disney bought the station, which really means that they fired her because she clearly isn’t Disney material, now is she?
  • She has formed some organization called CURE that tells black people that they should focus on personal freedom and personal responsibility as solutions to their problems and that racism only exists in their minds. Clearly, the name of the organization is a misnomer.
  • And OMG, she was born in 1956 in Moses Lake, Washington. For those of you who know Moses Lake, perhaps that explains everything, right?

Now, I want to be perfectly clear. I don’t condemn her for any of the choices she has made except one: The choice to be such an unbelievable, pants-pissing, self-UNaware hypocrite.  I mean, are you fucking kidding me? You, Star Parker, are going to tell me, in 2012, that I am a deviant and that I am the scourge of American culture and society because I want equal rights? You, Star “I was part of the problem” Parker, have the balls to say that I have made a choice to be gay, a choice to deviate from social “standards,” a choice to diverge from true and false, and that I am carrying the handbasket that is going to deliver America into the bowels of hell?

You, lady, have literally no right and no standing to speak to any of us about the downfall of society. You gave up that right when you made choices to commit crimes, do drugs, have abortions, and in general contribute to the “crisis of the collapse of family and marriage” and society of which you complain–choices that you now insist had nothing to do with historical socio-economic disparities or racism. Had you lived a contrite life during which you judged no one for who they are or what they have done, I wouldn’t call you on your bullshit. But no. You have now decided that you are somehow morally superior to others and have given yourself license to determine right and wrong, good and evil, normal and deviant. That makes you a hypocrite. Shut up.



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