Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for the ‘Sex’ Category

BREAKING NEWS: Dominican Hookers

Tonight, the Daily Caller, a … well, um … a conservative National Enquirer of sorts, I guess, created by the likes of Tucker Fucking Carlson, has BREAKING NEWS that you just have to read because it changes ever…………….

Um, wait.

It changes absolutely nothing, but that is not what Fucker Carlson wants you to believe. And he is a fucker, just like the Daily Caller is a rag.

So here is the summary:

Two hookers in the Dominican Republic get stiffed (pun intended) by a short, chubby, white guy from the U.S. named Bob. They.Are.Fucking.Pissed. They have never seen the man who short-changed them (again, pun intended), so as hookers the world over are known to do (what?), they spend every waking hour searching the Internets for days trying to find 1 pasty white, flabby dude from America (or maybe Canada) out of 200 million. Having trouble locating him, they turn to Tucker Carlson, a known Republican operative/mouthpiece, to help them. Suddenly, among all of the short, chubby, white AmeriCanadians that hire hookers in the DR, they realize that the man was not a loose Canadian. IT WAS MOTHER FUCKING SENATOR BOB MENENDEZ (D-NJ), PIMPS AND HOES! And all this happens …

WAIT FOR IT …

6 days before the election, and on the same day that President Obama toured New Jersey after Hurricane SuperBitch Sandy washed Snookie and her dirty lady parts out to sea. In fact, there are pictures of Obama and Sen. Menendez together. Today. Coinkydinky?

I don’t fucking think so.

Not that I give a baseball bat-sized shit anyway. Senator Menendez is a human being who, like me, needs to get laid. Because he, as a biological being, is supposed to like and want to FUCK! There, I said it. It’s in our genes. People want to screw, and not just because they’ve seen others fake hump on television and it looks glamorous. Instead, we all want to make the naughty with other people because we’re genetically programmed, like all other species on the god damn planet, to want to procreate.

Yes, even the gays are programmed to procreate. They just have really shitty BIOLOGICAL judgment when it comes to choosing a mate. But it comes from the same place in all animals, which, from what I can tell, is right around our extra-sensitive fun parts.

I.FUCKING.DIGRESS.

Let’s assume that the hookers who went on the exhaustive search of the entire Internet to find the manbeast who fucked them over (pun intended) are 100% accurate. Fine. Here is something else you should know about the Senator: He’s single. Oh, and get this completely relevant little detail: Prostitution is exceptionally LEGAL in the DR. Legal.

So, a non-married human being with the biological need to mate and a penis up for the challenge goes to a country where prostitution is legal and [under]pays hookers for sex. Jesus Christ, will someone please call someone who fucking cares? It ain’t me, and it shouldn’t be you. If you pry into people’s private lives or you pimp out whores like the Daily Caller to pry on your behalf, then you deserve the horror that you reap upon yourself. You cunt.

This story is not newsworthy. Whether true or false, it is an attempt to not only discredit Sen. Menendez for exercising his biological needs legally, but it is an attempt to discredit Democrats and, in particular, our President, who has nothing to do with it. The Republican lie machine will stop at nothing to destroy him. And me. And you. And this country.

Read Full Post »