Archive for the ‘Ref. 74’ Category

Preserve Marriage Washington, the intolerant homophobes who led the effort to take away equality for gay and lesbian Washington couples, issued a written concession that was as full of shit as anything they have done or said this entire campaign. Seriously. It’s a big, flaming bag of dog crap left on our front porches to remind us that they are never, ever going to STFU. Let’s break it DOWN:

  • While we are disappointed, we are not defeated.” Um, yes you fucking are. When you lose, you are, by definition, defeated.
  • We will continue to educate citizens and policymakers on the timeless truth that real marriage is the union of one man and one woman.” Um, no it’s fucking not. When the people vote to approve marriage equality, then marriage is actually between two consenting adults, regardless of gender.
  • Polling showed that 80% of unchurched voters approved of Ref. 74.” Antitheism is the wave of the future, bitches.
  • We ran a strong campaign that we can be proud of–a campaign based on honesty and integrity.” Sure, if by honest and integrity you mean lies and distortions. What a proud legacy!
  • Our opponents … will try to portray this election as a turning point, but it’s not a turning point to win on your home turf.” Huh? WTF are you talking about? We handed you your first losses. That, bitches, is a turning point. And of course we won on our home turf–Washington voters aren’t allowed to vote on ballot measures in other states. Where the fuck were we going to win if not on our home turf? You make no sense.
  • Washingtonians know … that children need both a mother and a father.” Tell that to Washingtonians who head single-parent households, to the mothers of my children, and to all of the other Washingtonians who know children who are being raised by folks other than both their mother and father. You know what children need? Food, shelter, love and affection, a sense of belonging, esteem. A mother and father, while nice, are not requirements. See Maslow’s Hierarchy.

The people have spoken, and they have rejected your lies, your distortions, your divisiveness, your bullshit. This wave of equality will spread across this country, mark my words. I’ll be right here to make sure it happens.

Yay, gays. Love won.


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My head is foggy with exhaustion, and I admit that I am having some difficulty wrapping my head around the last 12 hours since the first election results started rolling in from Washington. I’m frantically flipping through the news channels, obsessively checking the Internets, compulsively scrolling through my text messages and my email, listening to my voice mail with a gaping mouth. But the truth is inescapable:

You. Are. WELCOME!

I have a message for the people, the organizations, the institutions that have historically, continuously, chronically done everything possible to deny my rights:  I know you aren’t done with your evil agenda, and even today, you refuse to learn last night’s lesson.  Neither the fuck am I, and I will continue to school you until you either learn or give up trying. Unlike you, however, I have the wind of change in my sails.

In America, we still have HUGE gaps in LGBT equality that must be closed. In 3/5ths of this country, we can be fired from our jobs. We do not have federal protections for our relationships, our jobs, our health, our safety. Even where laws exist to protect us, they are often not enforced. Cultural and societal stigma is still the norm. Hate-based violence of every magnitude continues to play part of our collective reality. Gay and trans youth continue to take their own lives.

We have a long way to go. But the journey took a new path last night. Our entire narrative changed. I have to re-write my own script–and by that I mean the one I use when I am the real me and not the script I use when mouthing off under my nom de plume, HorseKnuckle. When I do it, I can promise you that it will no longer ask for permission or make apologies or handle homophobes with kid-gloves in order to gain favor. I am done with niceties. I am through with loyal disagreement. I am finished with respectful dialogue with people whose brand of respect includes bigotry, intolerance, condescension, patronization, illogic, superiority, and lies.

I am done, and we have the political capital and popular support to move forward in a new, sweeping way. Congrats to all of us.

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So much shit happened today that I couldn’t even figure out what I wanted to blog about tonight. And then, like a freight train full of rendered cattle ramming headlong through the middle of my boudoir, the National Organization for [straight] Marriage posted a huge festering pile of shit on its blog. And the earth opened and the hellfires rose up and tickled me on my perky little ass and I screamed, “yes. Yes. YES! Sweet heat, burn the words from my mind through my fingers and all over my blog, like man-seed on my belly after a fun Friday night.”

Fasten your seatbelts.

Now, we’ve previously established that you sluts do not read anything to which I link. So, while I will provide a link to the festering pile of shit, please know that I have taken it upon myself to don a haz-mat suit to read the entirety of the mess. For you. That is how much I love you. Let’s break it DOWN!

First, the title of the post is “The Miracle Continues.” What miracle, you ask? No, Jesus did not come back to earth. No, Mary did not appear in a bag of fucking Cheetos. No, my fantastic man-tits were not gifts from the Pope. The “miracle” is that, according to NOM, its ads are working. You know the ads: The ones full of lies, mistruths, scare tactics, Canadians (yes, citizens of another country) who have been fired for anti-gay comments in violation of CANADIAN law (and did I mention Canada is a separate, sovereign country where the rules and laws are different/better than in the U.S. on this issue?), business owners who have been denied their GOD FUCKING GIVEN rights to discriminate against homosexuals, and kindergartners who have been taught in public schools across the universe to give blow jobs.



Since the lies began airing roughly the middle of October, the dumbest of dumb voters have decided that the literally unfathomable is in fact true. And I’m not just talking about the existence of God. People actually believe that school children who can’t even fucking read are going to be taught directly from The Joy of Gay Sex in every public school in the U.S.

Second, and you better sit your perky ass in a chair, NOM has come out of the closet as a race baiter (even though we all knew it was thanks to the internal memos that the Human Rights Campaign was able to obtain).  I am just going to snip the relevant portion for you, because I cannot do this shit justice with a summary:

White v Black

White liberals are holding black folk down. No, they are. WHAT?

Do you see that? NOM is openly trying to drive wedges between minority groups, even though at the time the memos were revealed, Brian Brown (NOM’s Grand Poobah) responded, “We proudly bring together people of different races.” I would feel like an asshole for not pointing out that NOM’s leadership (at least those that it is willing to disclose) is made up entirely of entitled white people, mostly men.

Third, something about how traditional marriage voters are going to show up en masse and elect Romney and the polls are tight and how Obama is a gay-loving, marriage hating, liberal and how some gay-haters will still vote for Obama but that’s ok because NOM is extra inclusive and loves everyone. No, I’m not making any of that up, I’m just too fucking annoyed to explain further.

Fourth, one other person whom I have never heard of but apparently speaks Russian and Hebrew (again, not making this up) is speaking out against marriage equality. Dennis Prager. Oh, yeah. And Billy Graham, well-known for BEING AS CLOSE TO DEATH AS ANY PERSON ON THE PLANET. Tick tock, Oldy Moldy and your intolerant ilk. Tick fucking tock.

And finally . . . mercifully . . . the blog post ends with a video featuring that insipid pixie of a woman, Kelly Yanta, who is to journalism what black is to white.  I would embed the video, but the cunts and WordPress want me to pay for additional space or something. Plus, I don’t want you to throw up your last meal without affirmatively clicking on a link and assuming the risk knowingly and voluntarily.

As you can see, the miracle does indeed continue. For example, that these people continue to have a voice in American politics and culture is a fucking miracle. That these people have some how convinced racial minorities that liberals are out to get them is a fucking miracle. That some Americans continue to give these villains their ear and pay even a thread of attention to their ads and their lies is a Christmas fucking miracle.

2012 will be the year that all that changes. Nov. 6, 2012, by my estimation.




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A new opinion piece is out today in the Minnesota Star Tribune by, of all people in the world, an attorney. They article is entitled “Why Same-Sex Marriage Affects My Marriage,” although, after reading it 8.7 times, I can’t find the answer to the question. Most probably because the answer is, “Same-sex marriage doesn’t actually affect traditional marriage.”  Unless, of course, the author intends to leave his (her?) “traditional” marriage to marry a person of the same sex, I guess.

Honestly, I am really trying to break down the opinion into its component parts, but I can’t for the life of me figure out what the argument against marriage equality is.  I guess the first argument against marriage equality is this old canard:

People [who have incorporated heterosexual relationships into their identity] have generally been trying to live up to the ideal that marriage was established millennia ago to promote the raising of children in safe environments supported by their biological parents.

Incorporated? How do you incorporate a heterosexual relationship into anything? Oh, wait. I get it. Let me decipher:  This means that the person who wrote the opinion believes that sexual orientation is a choice, to which I always reply: If you think it is a choice, then you obviously have questioned your own orientation. Otherwise, you would know it is not a choice at all. Even if it is, I have the right in this country to make that choice.

As to previous millennia, I cannot speak. I am an expert, however, on this millennium (as new as it is), and I can tell you with certainty that many straight couples in this country do not want to have anything to do with children. I can also tell you that many straight couples in this country have had children without actually being married. Many children are raised by single parents. Too many other children have been removed from the care of their biological parents, who were miserable, horrible, child-endangering freaks. And, I hope this won’t come as a huge shock to people, but lots of gay and lesbian people have children and are raising them beautifully, without any legal rights to protect their relationships or their families.

If you are, therefore, worried about the country deviating from the “traditional” definition of marriage as the only acceptable institution in which to raise children, I have news for you:

Too late

Marriage is not only about breeding!

Unless you are willing to legislate that all couples must have and raise children, the arguments that marriage should be reserved for people who want to “make the babies” or that its only purpose is to foster pro-creation or to raise children are arguments-already-lost.  In addition, the author concedes, in the very next paragraph, that in this country, the “ideal” of marriage promoting the raising of children in safe environments is, well, let’s use his (her?) words:

Sadly, we don’t always live up to this ideal, and most have experienced the trauma caused by a breaking family.

[Emphasis supplied.]  So, despite the fact that the citizens of this country are admittedly miserable at marriage and that most (and by that, I assume we are talking about a majority–as in more than half–which is supported by these statistics by my nemesis, Dr. Phil) marriages end badly, thereby leaving children in broken homes, the author still wants to deny his (her?) fellow citizens the same rights that straight people are abusing under the theory that same-sex marriage is going to somehow damage “traditional” marriages?

Really? I mean, is it possible that more damage could be done to traditional marriage than has been and continues to be done by the very people who are hoarding the right to marry now? Let’s be honest–straight people are quite handily destroying the institution of marriage all on their very own. Instead of addressing those social problems, opponents of same-sex marriage would prefer to pin the blame on the lapel of gay and lesbian people. Please. How arrogant and disingenuous.

Now, back to the children. The article makes the following additional “arguments”:

  • There is a correlation between single-parent homes and crime.  First, I’d like to see some citation to that study, but let’s assume the premise is accurate. I want to remind you that we are talking about marriage here, the joining together of two people so that they don’t have to be single parents. Second, in most states in this country, gay and lesbian people–some of whom have children already–are forced into single-parenthood because they cannot marry. Same-sex marriage would, therefore, reduce the number of single-parent homes and would provide stability and legal protections for gay and lesbian families. Same-sex marriage would not, however, cause the destruction of any “traditional” marriages, unless, of course, a couple divorces so that one or both can marry a person of the same sex. In that case, the straight marriage was never traditional in the first place.
  • Many view marriage as a venue for self-fulfillment, so if we make same-sex marriage “equivalent” to traditional marriage, we send a message that marriage is about personal fulfillment.  I guess I don’t really disagree with this particular statement. I mean, in this country, we have largely moved away from arranged marriages. I think we can all agree that, at the time most of us are considering marrying another person (or entering into a long-term relationship or partnership because we can’t actually marry), one of the reasons we do it is because the other person makes us happy and fulfilled. Is the author really advocating that marriage should not be about self-fulfillment? Impossible. And if he (she?) has the right to be fulfilled (which, by the way, is guaranteed by the Constitution in that whole “pursuit of happiness” provision), why can’t I have it? Just because the person that provides me happiness and fulfillment has the same gender? That’s not fair. And it’s not Constitutional, either.
  • Marriage is about raising children in a healthy environment and any change of definition affects straight marriage. If a healthy environment for children is what you want, then you need to change your focus. Focus on divorce. Focus on bad parenting. Focus on providing existing families the tools they need to raise children in healthy environments (e.g., food, shelter, education, health care, safety and security). Leave us alone. Please also note that even the most vehement opponents of same-sex marriage admit that there is no research available that demonstrates that children of gay and lesbian parents fare worse than those born of non-gay people.
  • Same-sex marriage will only make it harder to promote traditional marriage. I covered this, above, by pointing out that “traditional marriage” is a lost cause, and not at the hands of the Gays.

Marriage, like all institutions, has changed with the times. It is time to give all citizens the right to marry, complete with its legal, societal, and cultural obligations and responsibilities. Any thing less is unAmerican.

[Confidential to the Author: You are an attorney. You have taken an oath to uphold the law, including the U.S. Constitution, which has been increasingly found to protect gay and lesbian couples from the tyranny of the majority. Your professional responsibilities require you to acknowledge the weight of precedent, not to mention to be truthful and accurate in your arguments against same-sex marriage. Writing an opinion piece, filled with conjecture and lies by omission and devoid of citation, falls below the standard to which I believe you are bound. Beyond the rules of professional responsibility, I commend to you Minn. R. Civ. P. 11.02.]

STOP THE DAMN PRESSES!  I am not the only one calling bullshit on this MN opinion piece. I am joined by friend of the gays and star NFL player, Chris Kluwe! Thanks Chris. You rock!

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One of Seattle’s local stations, KOMO TV, published an AP article today entitled “What’s missing from pro-gay marriage TV ads? Gays.”  In short (because you people won’t read, as I constantly lament), the article correctly observes that, in the most recent advertising in states where marriage equality is on the ballot this year (Washington, Maryland, Minnesota, and Maine), the advertising features . . .

Wait for it

. . .

NON-GAYS!  Shocking, I know.

Or is it?  I mean, this isn’t the first time we’ve talked about this phenom. In fact, I will quote myself from an earlier post on this very issue, which is narcissistic, I know, but I am FUCKING RIGHT ON THE MONEY, bitches:

[W]hen it comes to making headway in the fight for equality, the most powerful stories are proving to be the stories told by our straight allies, both the stories they weave about themselves and their own thoughts on equality and marriage equality, but also the stories they tell about us.   They are amazingly eloquent. And, they have no dog in the fight. For a straight couple, who can get married without impediment, to stand up and say, “It isn’t fair, it isn’t right, it isn’t American for us to be able to marry when some of our friends, family, and colleagues cannot,” I mean, how do you argue with that?

Even though the last sentence of that quote is a grammar school teacher’s worst freaking nightmare, the point is inarguable:  When people see non-gay people standing up for equality, speaking out for equality, voting for equality, they are compelled to think of equality in a new light.

That is not, however, the only reason that the advertising around marriage equality this year is so straight. Why are gays and lesbians not featured more prominently in pro-equality advertising this year? I’ll tell you why:

  • Our opponents quite simply do not believe us and do not find us credible.
  • Our opponents think we are nothing more than self-interested nit-wits who lack all objectivity about our own status as a minority in this country.
  • Our opponents think we are provocateurs, concerned only with the “sex” in sexual orientation.
  • Our opponents continue to define our orientation and gender expression as a “lifestyle,” like yachting or fitness or thuggery.
  • Despite our accomplishments, our intelligence, our education, our life experience, our opponents paint us as people who do not know or understand ourselves or our legal or social predicament and who are, at our very essence, nothing more than straight-people-gone-astray.
  • Our opponents insist, too often disingenuously, that our cry for equality is an attempt to destroy religion, freedom of speech, and the foundations of modern civilization.
  • Our opponents continue to try to silence us by dismissing us as if we are petulant children and marginalizing us by spreading lies, saying hurtful things, invoking their gods and morality, and even perpetrating violence against us.

LGBT people have talked until we are electric blue in the face, resulting in losses at the ballot box 32 of 32 times. The strategy has not returned dividends, and we are fucking tired of waging this battle alone. It is time for the people who know and love us to stand up and tell their own stories about who we are. Thankfully, so many of them are doing it and doing it well. To them, we all owe an enormous debt of gratitude and invitations to our extravagantly beautiful gay weddings.

Now, vote to Approve Ref. 74.  Not just because I have asked you to recognize the legal rights that I have been long denied but because good people who have no dog in this fight are asking you, begging you, to do it.

[Side Bar: Apparently, some gays are up-in-arms about the conspicuous lack of gay and lesbian people in political advertising thus far, but they are gays who do not understand or do not care about the nuances of today’s politics. I will not waste my time debating those gays who think that commercials filled to the brim with gays are going to appeal to anyone but more gays and our existing straight allies. It’s pointless.]

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The Power of Straight Allies

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it 1 squillion times: The way we will win equality is by telling our personal stories.  And yet, all too often recently, I realize the shortcomings of telling those stories on our own behalf. We can’t be viewed as objective and disinterested parties in the fight for our own equality. Too many people view this fight as completely selfish and self-serving. A woman even told me once that LGBT people are like a teenage boys who are begging for a car of their own: We don’t really need a car, we have substitutes for our own car that are just as good, and having our own car creates more hassles and risks for others than it benefits us.

No, I am not kidding. She actually said that.

So, when it comes to making headway in the fight for equality, the most powerful stories are proving to be the stories told by our straight allies, both the stories they weave about themselves and their own thoughts on equality and marriage equality, but also the stories they tell about us.   They are amazingly eloquent. And, they have no dog in the fight. For a straight couple, who can get married without impediment, to stand up and say, “It isn’t fair, it isn’t right, it isn’t American for us to be able to marry when some of our friends, family, and colleagues cannot.,” I mean, how do you argue with that?

Last night, I attended a house-party fundraiser for Washington United for Marriage and the Approve Ref. 74 campaign. It was hosted by a good friend, not only to me personally, but to several of my other LGBT friends and also the LGBT community as a whole. She has done remarkable things professionally, too. Most recently, she has played an instrumental role in helping a great, Pacific Northwest company be more inclusive and take a very public stand about LGBT equality.  She is a straight woman, and she and her partner have been together for many years. They are not married.

Now, I am a bitter, jaded, cynical gay who has been involved in the fight for equality very intimately for more than a decade. I think I’ve heard it all–every argument for and against equality and marriage equality in particular. Last night, however, I was nearly moved to tears by something she said. Something so simple and yet so fundamental to the fight for marriage that I am ASTOUNDED that I hadn’t heard someone say before or hadn’t, frankly, thought of it myself.

She spoke for a few minutes about the struggles that all couples have: from financial to health to family to professional and on and on. But then she said the thing that put me back on my heels:

I hate to admit this, especially in a group of people where so many of you cannot get married and have to go through all sorts of machinations to legitimize your relationships.  But, when the going gets tough–financially, health, house, kids, work–and questions come up about my relationship with my partner, I never explain. I simply say the words “married” or “husband” or “wife” or “spouse,” and that resolves any problems. We aren’t married. We have no license. And yet if something happened to him, and he was at the hospital or worse and I showed up, all I would have is to say is, “I am his wife.” No one would question me. No one would blink an eye. There would be no paperwork to fill out. No questions to answer. No explanations to give. It would not be true, and yet, in that moment, it wouldn’t matter and there would be no ramifications for anyone by telling that white lie.

She is exactly right. The word “marriage” has meaning. Important meaning. And not just because certain legal rights come with it. In fact, after last night, I believe that the other benefits–the non-legal benefits–that come with the word and status of “marriage” are more important. It is the cultural and societal acceptance and understanding that is inherent in the legal relationship of marriage that are as critical to equality as the legal benefits and obligations that will be mine when Referendum 74 is approved in November.

In the course of writing this very blog post tonight, another eloquent straight person wrote a frighteningly similar post about her own relationship, On Relationships, the Trouble with Titles, and Marriage Equality. Frightening, because perhaps she and I share a brain. Which should frighten her more than it does me.

On the issue of marriage equality, she, like the host of last night’s fundraiser,  is exactly right:

We are keenly aware that even having this decision [to marry] is a privilege of status, gender, and sexual orientation. Even having the choice is a mark of access, ability, and acceptance.

. . . Think about what it means to be a person who is married, as opposed to someone with a boyfriend or a partner. Think about how you would feel if you didn’t have the choice–if your relationship could never be validated in that way.

I love you, straight people. Thanks for taking up our battle for equality. We cannot do this without you.

Now, one more thing about last night that all but one of you will understand (maybe two), so if you don’t think you’re that person, you can stop here.

To my friend, my partner in activism and crime and laughter,  my friend who attended the event last night and without whom I certainly would never have even met our hosts:  If I had known that your life was literally minutes away from being changed forever last night when I hugged you goodbye, I would never have let go.  I would not have been able to. I would not have wanted to. I love you. Life is filled with struggles, some of which we take on willingly ourselves and some of which are cruelly handed to us by forces outside of our control. I am here for you, no matter the struggle, and I can’t wait to cause more trouble and laugh together soon. I am thinking of you constantly and am here for you always.


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I am on fire tonight. Actually, I am on fire every day when it comes to my rights, but tonight, I’m on fire in WORDS, bitches.  WORDS AND WORDS AND WORDS! So, I have another blog post for you.

On the heels of a story I posted about how marriage equality does not turn people into Eunuchs and that children raised by same-sex couples are fully aware of their own and other people’s genders, my favorite homo-hater,* Peter LaBarbera has tried to tell me that gay and lesbian couples can’t make children.


Oh, really, Peter

Then, he proceeded to tell me that I, a person with a degree IN BIOLOGY (as well as a minor in math, a degree in a liberal art, and a law degree), need to take a biology class:


Only infertile people can’t make babies, you genius.

Fuck you, Peter (and by Peter, I mean Peter himself as well as his various cohorts-in-oppression).  Peter, I know you wish were there so you could take pictures of how my little tykes were made, just like you like to take pictures at the Pride parade, Chicago’s IML, or the same-sex kiss-in at Chicago’s Chick-fil-A (which pictures are totally for research and development purposes, I’m sure), but you weren’t there and you have no fucking idea what you are talking about. The lesson there, in case you missed it, Peter, is:  You should shut your pie hole.

Homo-haters,* fight us all you want about marriage equality, but really, you have already lost your battle against LGBT people, and I’m a prime example. I’m out in every aspect of my life and have been for a long time. My family loves and supports me. I’ve been in the same gay relationship for 8 years. I’m outspoken and visible and politically active. I’m well-educated. I FUCKING VOTE. I may not enjoy the same rights that you take for granted (yet), but rights notwithstanding, your inability to get me to conform to your draconian social and religious ideals is already an epic fail. You will never, ever be able to force me into a heterosexual relationship, and you’ve already failed to prevent me from building a family on my terms. On that note, meet the two best things that have ever happened to me in my life.  EVER:

My guys

Perfect in every way!

You lose.

*Someone sent this to me earlier today after I publicly waged war with a woman who took my brother to task for supporting me and my fight for equality.  Its accuracy is both comedic and succinct, and I will no longer use the word homophobe to describe those of you who try to hold my head under water as a second-class citizen.


Enough said

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