How many of you have heard of this thing: Michelle Malkin? God damn. Even the name sends shivers up and down my spine. Blech. I feel about her the way I do spiders: creepy, too many eyes, too many legs, poisonous, too many webs of lies in which to trap you. (N.B. I do not actually know how many legs Michelle Malkin has.)
Do not be trapped! If you are a “too long, didn’t read” on her bio then fine, lazy-pants, I’ll fill you in. But do not, under any circumstances, become too lazy to read this post, because you will not believe it.
- She has 345,000 followers (OMG HOLY SHIT JESUS CHRIST) on Twitter.
- She is a 40-something
- She is Filipina
- She is a 1st generation American, her parents having immigrated to this United States on an employer-sponsored visa shortly before her birth (and for which I give them a huge shout-out and a hearty welcome to the Land of Opportunity)
- She is Roman Catholic
- She graduated from Oberlin with a degree in English and was an outspoken student critic of the College’s affirmative action program and has, since her graduation, described it as “radically left-wing.”
- She started her career as a journalist in 1992.
- She is now a frequent commentator on Fox News Channel and a regular guest host of The O’Reilly Factor (OMG, even spelling that out made me feel like I might barf in my mouth. Saliva. Too. Much. Fucking. Saliva. )
- She accused John Kerry of inflicting his own battle wounds on MSNBC once (no shit).
- She runs some dump of a website under her own name and also the name Twitchy, which automatically makes me think of a crystal meth addict, but I’m sure I’m making a false association. I am, right? (N.B. I am not providing links because I am not going to drive traffic to her sites. It’s my gift to you.)
- She might live in OH MY SWEET BABY JESUS IN PURPLE VELVET PANTS FOR THE HOLIDAYS JESUS. I think she lives in Seattle. And by that, I don’t mean I really think she lives in Seattle as much as she lives in some city near Seattle where the people are crazy.
Tonight was the night that my President, Barack Obama, accepted his and my party’s nomination for President. He delivered an amazing speech about raising people up, not getting a leg up on people like the Republican nominee. Have I made clear that Michelle Malkin is “not-my-fucking-people,” as I like to say. Which is sad and confusing, because she does not represent the Filipinos I know and love, including one of my BESTIE-BESTS. I don’t know what has caused her to reject the proud heritage and history of Filipino people, a heritage and history of family unity, acceptance, integrity, warmth, hospitality, loyalty, inclusiveness, equality, understanding, empathy, sympathy, and other progressive ideals. But, sister has THROWN them to the curb, like a john throws a 72 year old hooker. She hates progressive ideals more than I hate rich, entitled, conservative, male baby-boomers who want to trans-vaginally ultrasound every woman with a vagina, including Michelle Malkin, and even some men. (THAT, sir, is not a vagina.)
During Obama’s comments on entrepreneurship and building businesses, Malkin had this to tweet:
I know what you are BEGGING TO KNOW! What the fuck is she talking about? As far as I can tell, she blames Obama for putting Gibson Guitars, medical device makers, drillers, and BuckyBalls out of business. Of course, she forgets–and by forgets, I mean ignores–that the Great Recession began under and as a result of George W. Bush’s reign of terror in Aug. 2008. She, however, like McVeepy Paul Ryan are light on facts, full of lies. Or maybe they’re just not too smart.
Both. Clearly both.
Boil her tweet down, HorseKnuckle, you fucking hottie. Ok. Fine:
- Gibson Guitars: OMFG. Apparently, Gibson Guitars isn’t even out of business. It makes $500 million a year. On guitars. Instead, the actual problem is that Gibson Guitars has been under criminal investigation for violating the Lacey Act, because it has “allegedly” been importing rare and protected wood from India and Madagascar to build its guitars, which is a violation of their laws and ours. Our government agencies seized guitars made from such wood during raids of Gibson’s manufacturing facilities. Oh, and Gibson has now settled with the U.S. over these accusations for a monetary equivalent of roughly $600,000, apparently preferring not to take the U.S. to the mat in court. interestink. But hardly a business shut-down, Michelle Malkin, SINCE IT REPRESENTS POINT 1 PERCENT (0.1%) OF THE COMPANY’S ANNUAL INCOME. So, shut the fuck up.
- The elusive “medical device maker”: Here we go. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it 1,000 times: When Republicans don’t have facts, they speak in generalities to scare people. If unnamed medical device makers have been forced out of business, I am sure it is because of defective products (see no. 4, below) or failing to comply with Medicare and Medicaid reimbursement procedures (I was, at one time in my miserable career, a health care attorney, and I am on to these device-making mother fuckers–“Get your 3-wheel scooter for free; get your catheter equipment for free; get your diabetic supplies for better than free because we’ll give you cash back from your insurance coverage.” Ring a BELL Malkin?)
- Driller: Again, generalities without facts. Do you think she’s talking about oil drilling companies? Oil companies that have polluted the entire Gulf of Mexico like BP (if you don’t know what I’m talking about, then get the fuck away from me). Or oil companies that have polluted the water table by pumping salt water into the earth to extract more oil from depleted resources, thereby polluting the ground water for human, animal, and even plant-life? (P.S. I also worked on a case in my early career related to this issue.) If they are out of business, then slap my ass and call me sally. They aren’t. They are making money hand-over-fist while they spit in our faces, make extraordinary profits off of our oil dependence, and KILL THE FUCKING PLANET! Wake up. Shut up. PAY ATTENTION. They should be regulated to within 1 inch of their worthless, planet-killing lives.
- Bucky-Fucking-Balls: Are you sitting down, by chance? Do you know what are these BuckyBalls? Just SEARCH IT! But, wait, lazy-pants. I’ll tell you. They make highly magnetized itsy-bitsy toys that can be swallowed by children. Once swallowed, the magnets attract each other and TEAR THE FUCKING INTESTINES OF CHILDREN APART GOD DAMMIT. Added bonus: Adults, too!! Yay! Did you hear me? And they have been distributed not just in America–they are a threat to human life (children’s lives, in particular) around the globe. But, blame Obama for regulating them and taking enforcement action against them for continuing to sell a highly dangerous product, with full knowledge, to the entire world full of children. If I were Obama, that is blame I would gladly, joyously accept.
Michelle Malkin, who is so pro-life that she has a blog post entitled “The Right Pro-Life Ladies” (I broke my link rule to show you just what a hypocrite this woman is) now has the testicles to complain that the Obama administration has filed an enforcement proceeding against a company that kills living, breathing children. I seriously cannot even wrap my head around her bullshit. It makes no sense.
If you want to look into the face of evil, look at the Republican party and its mouthpieces, particularly those who are capable of understanding their position in the world as racial, ethnic, religious, gender, sexual, etc. minorities but choose to fucking ignore it.
I know, too god damn long. But someone needs to speak up!
[Confidential to Ms. Malkin: I am watching you. You speak too many inaccuracies for them to be accidental or the product of ignorance. I don’t know what your motivations are or who is paying you to spread lies (Fox News? Just a guess), but I am watching your mouth. So is your God. She told me.]
!!!!!!!!!! Is this woman for real? Whoa. Just… WHOA.
OMG on that pro-life blog. WTH? How do these people lay their head on their pillow at night and sleep peacefully???????
“Angle is an anti-tax crusader and an uncompromising conservative. She favors abolishing the Departments of Education and Energy, phasing out Social Security and Medicare, and removing the United States from the United Nations.
Wow. What’s not to love?”
Good news: Although Malkin polluted Seattle with her presence to write a column for the Seattle Times starting in 1996, she moved to Maryland some time after that, and then in 2008 moved to Colorado Springs (that hotbed of mega-church craziness).
I always thought it was pretty ugly that she, as a first-generation US citizen — takes such a nasty line on immigration. Then, in the Wikipedia article, I see that although she herself is what wingnuts call an “anchor baby”, she denounces immigrants who give birth in the US, believes that the Constitution should not be interpreted to grant citizenship by virtue of being born in the US, and even uses the term “anchor baby” the same way other wingnuts use it.
I could almost excuse her about her defense of the internment of US citizens of Japanese ancestry during World War II, on grounds that her Philippine ancestry might have given her an unshakable hatred of Japan due to Japanese war crimes against in the Philippines during World War. But she’s horrible on every other point too, so it’s not just a case of a narrowly focused approval of a terrible injustice in US history.