Yesterday, some writer for the L.A. Times–a woman who actually lives here in Seattle–wrote an article calling us “wimps” and “clueless” when it comes to winter weather. I’m sure the woman who wrote the article has been trapped in her own Seattle home, terrified to get into her Cadillac Escalade with California plates to drive herself to Gene Juarez to get her hair did. Whatever.
But get this: Tonight, the National Weather Service has issued a “Special Weather Statement” for the armpit of the West Coast because of incoming storms and guess what? It’s gonna rain and the shizzle is gonna be crazy. I quote:
This storm will bring light to moderate amounts of rainfall to the area. . . . Areas should receive between [brace yourselves] one quarter and three quarters of an inch of precipitation. . . . There will be the potential for local ponding of water on freeways and low-lying areas . . . .
Son-of-a-bitch. Say it ain’t so! You mean it’s gonna rain in L.A.? And get this. Things in Orange County are going to be dire:
Most of the rainfall will be light . . . but with rather long duration and will result in some slippery driving conditions.
I’m certainly glad the people in Southern California are so much stronger and smarter than Seattleites, because HOW THE FUCK ELSE COULD THEY POSSIBLY SURVIVE RAIN IN AMOUNTS MEASURED IN FRACTIONS OF AN INCH? Oooooo. Watch out. Slippery.
Hey, L.A.! Fuck off, you pretentious assclowns. Oh, and since we’ve all been stuck inside up here due to actual weather-related travel problems today, we banded together and spent the day calling and having your plastic surgery appointments for next week cancelled. We wouldn’t want you to go out in the rain unnecessarily and risk your tits, your lips, or your LIVES, now would we?
